Girl's School

Limewire, this is why we can't have nice things!

2007-12-06T11:28:00.001-08:00

I have seen you leaving Hot Topic AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

2007-12-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

Things that shouldn't exist, pt. 1

2007-11-27T03:42:00.001-08:00

It's a shit job

2007-11-12T20:32:00.001-08:00

I'm the reason Mr. Whelan is in AA now.

2007-11-10T18:27:00.001-08:00

Dude was scary.

2007-11-08T14:37:00.001-08:00

Gear up for fall tourist season! Or don't!

2007-11-06T07:38:00.001-08:00

Dissenters jump up to get beat down

2007-10-24T06:01:00.001-07:00

He stopped accepting cash long ago.

2007-10-10T22:46:00.001-07:00

Same goes for computer solitaire

2007-09-15T12:51:00.001-07:00

Superman is pissed

2007-09-04T08:20:00.001-07:00

At least I'm not him

2007-08-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

1995 called. It wants this set-up for a joke back.

2007-08-18T06:46:00.000-07:00

Honestly, who is your real estate agent?

2007-08-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

Honey, what kind of fabric is soylent green?

2007-08-14T07:57:00.001-07:00

50th comic!

2007-08-13T17:44:00.001-07:00

You realize that I treat the school bathroom shower cubbies like an all you can use shampoo buffet, right?

2007-08-10T16:03:00.000-07:00

This is why we don't have these chats.

2007-08-09T19:55:00.001-07:00

This is like, the sixth time, Jesus

2007-08-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

Conform to nonconformity.

2007-07-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

2007 = The Great Depression + Paxil

2007-07-25T16:24:00.001-07:00

Pardon me, but is that Eau de Skynyrd?

2007-07-11T18:24:00.001-07:00

Race Relations: 1921-2007

2007-07-10T06:28:00.001-07:00

12 point arial font angst

2007-07-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

SCHOOL HOUSE GLOCK

2007-06-30T15:48:00.000-07:00

Edgy, no?

2007-06-27T21:35:00.001-07:00

There are some things money can't buy. Or can, depending on which part of Jersey you're in.

2007-06-25T06:26:00.001-07:00

Tagline: Where there is neither sex, nor a city

2007-06-24T05:36:00.001-07:00

I hear Jiffy Lube is hiring.

2007-06-23T10:33:00.001-07:00

It's like watching evolution go backwards

2007-06-23T07:53:00.001-07:00

Wishful thinking '08: The people have spoken.

2007-06-21T18:53:00.001-07:00

This how I make draw.

2007-06-21T18:08:00.001-07:00

Suck it, Nabisco. Also, news.

2007-06-21T12:11:00.002-07:00

This is, admittedly, not my finest work. However, I stand behind it, because it needs to be said.

I have some exciting news, which is that beginning Monday, the 25th, I'll start updating three times a week. You people deserve some sort of dependability. All four of you. So, look for a Monday, Wednesday, Friday scheme. It's only for a trial basis, but we'll see how it works.

Love and cupcakes,

Andy

...Amen. (With special thanks to Pat Smith)

2007-06-13T19:02:00.001-07:00

Also, you know, that peace for mankind thing

2007-06-07T06:49:00.001-07:00

Did you get Daddy's child support check? Good, don't spend it all in one place.

2007-06-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

It bothers me how quickly they change topics.

2007-06-01T18:27:00.001-07:00

He just makes me uncomfortable

2007-06-01T18:15:00.001-07:00

New! Clever! Text based!

2007-05-30T18:34:00.001-07:00

Aries: 21 March-20 April

Expect good things in your future! A new romantic opportunity will arise, but only if you're vigilant enough to notice it. By this, we mean she's really short. Take the chance to push that creative project at work-- it will succeed if you believe in it! Failing that, threaten your boss with a manila envelope's worth of compromising photos. The ones with the sex toys and Miracle Whip.

Taurus: 21 April-21 May
Tauruses are often noted for strength in their convictions, and bull-headed attitudes toward life's problems. In your case this is not a compliment. Last week, you duct taped your nephew to the side of his kiddie pool so he wouldn't drown. In hindsight, you should have at least left him some food before you went home to watch the game. I hear they want to press charges.

Gemini: 22 May-22 June
All of the other Zodiac names are types of animals. You're named after a pair of twins, which are not so much an animal as they are an annoying set of people. Way to go. Expect some severely strained relationships with your parents this month, culminating in a shouting match in your living room while the TV's set to a muted The Price Is Right. Our favorite part is when, as Bob's asking you to spay and neuter your pets, your Dad shouts the line: "Well it's not my fault I've got a gutless meth addict son! I fucking took you to all those soccer games!"

Cancer: 23 June- 23 July
We astrologists are always fond of irony. That being said, we don't want to ruin the surprise, but guess what terminal disease you'll be diagnosed with before the week's over. (Hint: It's not lupus!)

Leo: 24 July-23 August
I said to her, if Frank comes into the office spouting that feel-good complacent bullshit today, I'm gonna fucking maul him. She laughed, but just then Frank strolled in with a big shit-eating grin, and said "Hey everybody, workin hard or hardly workin?" and I stabbed him right then and there in the jugular. There was blood everywhere, and I lost a good letter-opener, but it was worth it just to take a polaroid of me standing over his spent body. Donate that to the United Way, shitkicker.

Virgo: 24 August-23 September
You're not getting any this month, either. You had a shot with that cute clerk at Blockbuster, but ruined it when he saw you renting How Stella Got Her Groove Back Pt. II: She Done Lost it Again.

Libra: 24 September-23 October
Interestingly enough, the cable company puts you in a special file when you request both Cartoon Network and the Spice Channel.

Scorpio: 24 October-22 November
Did you see that 9^th inning comeback last night?! Right, so they put in Okajima to relieve, but then, because it was interleague play, they had to bat him in the bottom half of the inning. And you won't believe this, but he pulls a bunt single up the first base line to score Lowell from 3rd! Also, your wife is leaving you.

Sagittarius: 23 November-22 December
Selling acid was a bad idea. Selling it to a cop was a worse one.

Capricorn: 23 December-19 January
We know how much you love adding levity to corporate bureaucracy, but if you want that promotion to VP of Marketing, do not repeat last year's mistake. Where you got turned down for playing "I've got your nose!" with one of the senior executives.

Aquarius: 20 January-19 February
More is not necessarily better. Though two lesbian parents can provide a loving, nurturing environment, you're heading towards getting your boy an awful schoolyard nickname: That kid with 5 moms.

Pisces: 20 February-20 March
Have you seen the movie Castaway? That's roughly how the rest of your month goes.

Wikipedia has been killing babies since 2001

2007-03-25T15:14:00.000-07:00

Which, as we know, is a great song

2007-03-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

Copyright law is only a problem if you have an audience

2007-03-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

Instant classic.

2007-03-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

Guest comic, by Jeff Hefler

2007-03-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Utilitarian, eh?

2007-03-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

God knows how he got married in the first place.

2007-03-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

I'm going on vacation, so I'll resume updating in two weeks. As such, I leave you with this.

Plausible?

2007-03-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

Guess who found public domain biblical clip art

2007-03-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

If you kinda squint...

2007-03-08T15:35:00.000-08:00

Why not?

2007-03-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

The lyrics don't rhyme, but it's okay because they're a shitty band

2007-03-08T14:56:00.000-08:00

Well, fine, you tell me how it happens.

2007-03-08T13:28:00.000-08:00

Sitcom Plot Device #143: Arson

2007-03-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

Dude, it's like her body is a wonderland or something

2007-03-07T17:09:00.000-08:00

What a shitty Christmas present

2007-03-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

Maybe if I still had a job I could afford a larger font

2007-03-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

And we just figured out how to use wampum

2007-03-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

Imagine Van Halen's "Jump" playing in the background

2007-03-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

I could teach you, but I'd have to charge

2007-03-07T11:49:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty sure there weren't rules anyway

2007-03-07T11:34:00.000-08:00